just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
