im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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