You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
