Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want nice things and good sex
did you just send me my own nude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
