can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
