I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
