sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
