PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
