Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
