On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
