forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
