OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This girl is more easily done than said...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
