i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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