Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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