I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do vagina's smell?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
