She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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