Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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