this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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