my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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