oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
