where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
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