Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
