don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
