WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
