He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
