Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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