I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
