why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
