its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
