I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
