is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
