I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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