Kiss
Puke
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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