so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
