If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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