The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
