Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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