Having a random hookup so left but love u
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
