Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
