I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think your dad took our porno
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
