he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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