ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
