my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
