At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am mentally ready for anal.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
