You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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