hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
