You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
