oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
