My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
