My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize