You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
