there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
