A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
