I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
