i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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