the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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