This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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