its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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