He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize