Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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