i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
