this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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