Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
