thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
