anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
