Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
