Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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