She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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