I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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