she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
