Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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