I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
