Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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