I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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