Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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