If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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