I have demons in me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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