I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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