you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
