"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
